Re: As Seen On Campus

Or the Fashion Faux Pas of incoming freshmen.

The fall semester on the campus where I work is always a time when you are guaranteed to see some brave eighteen-year-old sporting their new look in public. Sometimes their fashion sense is quite striking. At other times, they just need to be struck. Here’s my roundup of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

First, I can report that the ever-popular t-shirt or hoodie, jeans, and sneakers continues to be THE look among students. This year’s must-have accessory is the sturdy backpack bulging with a good fifty pounds of exhorbitantly-priced textbooks. Given what students are being charged for their textbooks today (and they were high enough when I was in college), I won’t be surprised to see students eventually sporting the barrel-and-suspenders getup that spells extreme poverty in all the cartoons.

Now, as self-appointed fashion commissar, I must issue the following citations:

  • Guys, if you are large and heavy, do not under any circumstances wear a ring through your nose. Not only does the “bullock” look not get the babes, but you may find yourself branded and put out to pasture.
  • Guys, if your shoulder length ‘do makes you look more strikingly beautiful and feminine than your girlfriend, get a haircut. As short as possible. Being a better looking woman than your woman ain’t going to get you anywhere–or, at least, nowhere you want to be.
  • Gals, if your low-rise jeans not only reveal your thong, but your plumber’s crack as well, you need better-fitting jeans. That draft across your backside is trying to tell you something.